and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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