didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
