I want to have your abortion
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
