I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Your cock deserves a montage
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
