I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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