I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
