You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
