What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
