If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
foreskin is a definite game changer
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
