I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
