found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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