How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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