I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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