it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
