I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
