brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
