I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
