Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
