Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
