Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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