u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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