The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Randomize
