I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the day after is always just damage control
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
