you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I would fuck him just for his dog
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize