I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
