I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
