brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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