If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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