So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
