erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
