I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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