I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
