Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
