just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
