Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
