i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
