I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
