You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
