He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
