You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
