in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
