Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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