You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
