Whod you bang
thus making me awesome and them whores
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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