I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i believe in u and ur pee
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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