HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
