dude i'm inner monologue high
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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