dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
