you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
