So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My balls are so social today.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
this just has baby written all over it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize