He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
being pregnant is like rehab
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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