What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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