You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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