my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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