i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
