Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
