Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize