____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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