Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
