no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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