i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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