Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I did not marry a roomba.
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