no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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