Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
