And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
