just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
